When I Grow Up
by DolbyDigital
Summary: "Daddy I want to be a pirate when I grow up. I want to be a Quidditch Player... an Auror..." It's the decisions we made that get us to where we are today. We just have to trust that they're the right ones.


**A/N** – Written for Round Two of The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition – Nymphadora Tonks; Changing – with the prompts "Hatred knows no bounds, huh." and 'burying'.

The first line is the last line of the Disney version of Peter Pan.

* * *

_'You can fly! You can fly! You can fly!'_

She nestles closer to her dad as the end credits appear on the screen, and she watches the slightly flickering images that accompany them with rapt attention. Only when the screen turns blue does she turn her attention to her father.

"Daddy, I want to be a pirate when I grow up."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Only I'll be nice to the mermaids and I won't be a codfish."

He kisses her goodnight, and the loud whirring of the tape rewinding itself was the last thing she hears before sleep claims her.

* * *

She runs to catch up with her new friends, skidding slightly on the wet grass, yellow scarf trailing behind her as she barely manages to keep a hold of it.

"Alright Tonks?" A short blonde girl calls over her shoulder as she nears them.

"Yeah, I just... yeah," she grins, feeling the excitement bubbling up within her.

"Your hair's doing that thing again," a tall brunette comments mildly.

"I think it's cool!" the blonde says.

"'Course you do, Wilson. You think everything here's cool," Tonks says, but she can't keep her grin from widening as she pulls a lock of her hair in front of her face, inspecting the bright red strands.

"It is cool!" Wilson insists. "D'you think I could learn?"

"My mum says you can't learn it. You gotta be born with it."

"It's not like you can control it, anyway," the brunette counters.

"I can!" At her friend's dubious look, she continues. "I'm getting better, see!" She screws up her face into a pained expression and slowly her hair begins to lighten until it's yellow to match her scarf. "I'm lear- Oh, shut up, Katie."

"I thought you said you-"

"Shut up!"

"Maybe you can't learn how to do it, but you can learn to get better?" Wilson tries to pacify them both.

"Yeah! Exactly!"

"Or maybe you just don't want people to know how to do it, so you can always be different." Katie scowls.

"Well, one day I'm going to be the world expert and then you'll have to listen 'cause then I'll know everything there is to know."

"Yeah? Well your name's stupid. _Nymphadora._"

* * *

She's standing at the edge of the Quidditch Pitch, broom clutched tightly in her right hand, with her two best friends. It feels like they've been waiting forever for this moment – to finally try out for their House team. She can't help but shake with anticipation.

"Tonks, calm down. We're only second years. We don't have much of a chance," but she can see that Katie's just as excited as she is.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this. We could come back next year, when-"

"No! C'mon, Wilson! It'll be fun! And if we actually get on the team-"

"Which we won't."

"Shut up, Katie. If we actually get on the team, it would be so cool!" She ignores Katie mouthing 'we won't' next to her.

"Alright, you three," the Captain yells at them from across the Pitch. "I want you to-" Tonks takes a step forward. Her foot catches in the hem of her robe, and she crashes into Katie. Both girls fall to the ground in a heap of tangled limbs leaving only Wilson standing, holding her broom in front of her like a shield. "Come back when you've learnt to walk," he finishes with a sigh.

"But I –" Tonks protests as she scrambles to her feet, but he's already turned his attention to the next group.

"Oh, well that's just great." Katie grumbles. "I thought you wanted to be a Quidditch player? You couldn't even make it onto your broom, let alone into the air."

"That's not fair, Katie. She could be a Quidditch player if she wanted." Wilson's quick to defend her.

"Yeah? What team'll have her?"

"Er... well... the... Cannons?"

"Seriously? That's the best you could come up with?" Tonks scowls at Katie's laughter.

* * *

"Miss Tonks, have you put any thought into your future career plans?" Her teacher asks from behind her imposing desk.

"Well, er... not exactly..."

"Not exactly?"

"Erm... No. I haven't." She tries to will away the sudden increase of blood in her cheeks but, if the continued heating of her face is any indication, she's unsuccessful.

"That's okay. A lot of people your age still haven't come to a decision yet, either." She's only half listening by this point, her attention mostly focussed on the view out the open window. "What subjects are you interested in?"

She continues to stare blankly out the window.

"Miss Tonks?"

"Oh, right. Yeah. Um... Care of Magical Creatures? Uh... Defence Against the Dark Arts. Yeah. That."

"Right. Well, you could..." but she's already staring out the window again.

She's not even lived a quarter of her life yet and she's expected to know what she's going to want to do for the rest of it?

* * *

She makes a split second decision to switch from Care of Magical Creatures to Potions. She's not even sure why she did it. She's never been overly good at Potions. Just one small mistake and you end up with a burnt cauldron and the smell of sulphur following you around for weeks.

"But Care of Magical Creatures was the only class we would have had together!" Wilson complains.

"Potions is much more useful," Katie says.

"But... Care of Magical Creatures! Now it's just going to be me and Weasley."

"Quit complaining. You like Weasley." Katie replies bluntly.

"Well, yeah, but he's never gonna notice me. I'm not a dragon or a unicorn or whatever creature Grubbly-Plank's teaching about next."

"He'll have to notice you if it's just the two of you in the class."

Tonks tunes out their conversation after that. She's still trying to wrap her head around the fact that she actually got in to Potions.

* * *

A loud explosion echoes through the room.

"_Counter_ clockwise, Miss Tonks," the irritated voice of her teacher comes from somewhere through the smoke.

"Sorry! I can fix-"

"I think that may exceed your abilities, Miss Tonks, as you have yet to master the art of following simple instructions," he says and, with a wave of his wand, clears the smoke and charred remains of her cauldron from the room.

"Sorry, Sir." She stares down at the burnt ring in the table that Snape hadn't removed with the rest.

She silently vows to work harder. To do whatever it takes to prove that she _can_ do this. She spends hours poring over her textbooks, staying up late into the night to get to the end of long chapters and reading as much as she can while shovelling food into her mouth at meal times.

* * *

"Miss Tonks, a word," Sprout calls her to the side one Tuesday afternoon as they pass in the corridor.

"Yes, Professor?"

"I notice your Potions grades have improved a lot over the last few months. If you're willing to continue working as hard as you have been, you could probably manage quite a successful career in that area." She's not sure she wants to work with potions, though, and some of that must come across on her face.

"Or, well... you seem to enjoy Defence Against the Dark Arts. Perhaps you would be more suited for a career as an Auror."

* * *

The idea sticks with her for days, and she can't stop thinking about it.

"Tonks? You okay?"

"Yeah, Wilson. I'm fine."

"Yeah, that's great and everything, but I'm Katie."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Are you sure you're okay? It's just... we haven't seen you much recently, and it's like you live in the library now..." Wilson says.

"Yes, Hannah, I'm fine." Is Tonks' exasperated reply as she begins to make her way back to the library.

"Who's Hannah?"

* * *

She might be accepted into Auror training today, and she's probably the most terrified she's ever been in her life. It's turning out to be a lot harder than she thought it would be, and she doesn't know anyone here. She's used to her friends always being near, or at least knowing where they are, but Wilson's doing an internship in what Tonks can only describe as a magical zoo and Katie's off learning to be a Healer at St. Mungo's. And she's on her own.

"Hey," the sudden sound startles her so much that she's sure if she hadn't learnt to control her Metamorphmagus abilities years ago she would be sporting the weirdest hair colour the skinny man standing next to her had ever seen. "Sorry! I... Sorry!" He stutters.

"No. I'm sorry, I was... Uh... thinking."

"They must have been some interesting thoughts," he smiles, showing slightly crooked teeth and a dimple on his right cheek.

"No, not really. I just..." She's a little surprised at how nervous she is talking to him, but she hasn't really made many new friends since her first year. "This is terrifying. I mean, I am literally wet myself scared." He's looking alarmed. She hurriedly tries to tone it down a little. "Well, not literally because that would be weird, and I'm not. Weird, I mean. Or, I don't usually go around wetting myself. I am in full control of my... Can we start over?"

"Sure..."

"Hi, I'm Tonks. And you are?" She holds out her hand, hoping that she hasn't scared him too much.

"Dan," he says and, after a slight pause, shakes her outstretched hand. There's a slightly awkward silence after that, and she's not sure how to break it. "So... You're scared?" He breaks the silence for her.

"Y'know, we were supposed to be starting over. But yeah. Terrified. But it's exciting!"

"Yes. When is fear not exciting?"

"No, I mean we're going to be Aurors! Y'know, after we pass all the character tests and aptitude tests and training exercises and advanced magical combat and-"

"Yes, alright. I'm nervous enough as it is."

She can't contain her slightly manic grin. She may be terrified, but she can't think of anything she'd rather be doing.

* * *

Her first proper Auror mission is horrifying. She's never really experienced death before, and to have it displayed so brutally is sickening. They've arrived too late, the culprits having long gone, and there's nothing they can do for these Muggles now.

"Hatred knows no bounds, huh," the voice startles her as she's looking down at the tiny body of an infant in horror, and she's lucky Moody wasn't around to see her jump.

"Where's Moody?" She asks in a futile attempt to draw her attention away from the too-small body.

"Doing a perimeter check. Someone might still be around," he says looking around doubtfully. "Constant vigilance, and all that. Which leaves us stuck on clean-up duty."

She doesn't understand how he can be so calm; how he can bury all his emotions so easily. Her attention keeps getting dragged back to the child still in her crib, and, before she even has time to register what's happening, she's running back through the front door of the small bungalow and vomiting in the rose bushes.

* * *

It takes a while for her to finally get into the swing of things – long enough that she's thinking maybe she wasn't cut out for this after all, but not so long that she's willing to give up just yet.

They know something's going to happen tonight, and Moody insists that she's ready.

"You alright, Tonks?" She's a little proud that she didn't jump this time.

"No, not really." She can't help but answer honestly.

"Oh, come on. Moody thinks you're ready." He offers her what was probably meant to be an encouraging grin, "I think you're ready, and that's saying something. Who was it that held your hair back during your first mission, huh?"

"Well, I didn't ask you to do that, Jamie" she grumbles.

"Yeah, yeah. I just hope you chewed your food properly this time" He jumps out of the way as she aims a punch to his shoulder.

"Will you two stop fooling about. We have a job to do." Moody growled as he approached them, somehow managing to turn a question into a statement.

* * *

The woman's more scared of them than grateful, but she's _alive_, and that's all that matters right now.

They _saved_ her, and that outweighs everything else.

And she knows for sure that she made the right decision; that she's exactly where she wants to be.


End file.
